Previous Post – Missional Living & Idealism

Father’s Day.  Today is a day for which I have very mixed feelings.  On the one hand, I have been blessed to have a wonderful, loving and supporting father.  My brother, a new father himself, is clearly devoted to my nephew in every way.  Even my father-in-law is an exemplary Dad who has always supported his kids (and me) in every way (though as an Australian, he won’t be celebrating Father’s Day for several months yet).  In no way do I want to take away from the honour these men and others deserve.

However, I have to admit that this day leaves me unsettled.  Of course, part of that is selfish.  I so desperately want to be a father myself, yet face hurdle after hurdle in seeing that happen.  I see people in our community who manage to have children so easily, all too often unexpected and even unwanted.  Most of all I remember the loss of our first child during pregnancy, imagining what she or he might look like today.  I grieve that, because they did not survive to birth that we are often expected to act as though they never were- nameless, forgotten.  Never forgotten by Kim & I.

Beyond my own personal reasons, I also see how many people around me either do not have their fathers in their lives, whether through death, abandonment or estrangement.  For a church where the median age in the mid-20’s, the number of people whose fathers are no longer part of their lives is heart breaking.  And then there are those whose father are part of their lives, but are relationships defined by disappointment, abuse, rejection and disinterest.  For all of these, this day can be salt in an ever open wound.

Part of me- the cynical, wounded part- wants to reject this day altogether, but I cannot. For all the brokenness that I see related to fathers, I am also convinced that this very brokenness cuts so deep precisely because of the importance of fatherhood.  While not to be confused with some kind of statement on the gender identity of God, that He so significantly identifies as Father also reinforces the importance of fatherhood to our own identity and wholeness.

It is with this significance in mind that we must understand our call, as the Church, to be fathers to the fatherless.  This is not a poetic way of saying that we need to fund orphanages and combat divorce trends.  Both of these things are good, but when God calls us to be a father to the fatherless, He calls us to follow His example of genuine relationship and sacrificial love.  He calls us to an active love that blasts through the boundaries of cultural propriety and familial loyalties- not the detriment or neglect of our own families, but through the conviction that God is calling us to a devotion to Him and others that must rival all others.

Our world is filled with the fatherless- and in more than just the literal meaning.  This is call to extend the Father’s love to others is not some project or program that interested Christian might get involved with, but rather it is a defining characteristic of what it means to follow Jesus Christ.  And it is a commitment that should not be driven by guilt (though conviction for our failing to do so is surely important), but driven by the same thing that drove Christ to pay the highest price for us:

Love.

Previous Post – Weekend Linkage #4

This week’s gathering of Little Flowers Community, our inner city church plant, was a real reflection of the unique life of our group.  First, our wandering homeless friend Chris was back in town.  It was his birthday on Friday, so I told him that I would get him a big cake with candles.  He was so excited he invited a group of his buddies to join us (convincing them that we weren’t some creepy cult).  When several of his friends agreed to come, he ran out to buy groceries to make his famous “Poor Man’s Soup”, as I wanted to contribute to the potluck.  Amazing guy.

With these fun loving guys added to the potluck, the language was a lot more colourful, which we are hardly notice, but our other guests had to adjust to.  It was really neat to see such different people enjoying a meal and each others company.  After the meal, we sang Happy Birthday to Chris.  He & his buddies decided to take off before worship, but they said they might join us again.  I guess we weren’t too cultish after all!

I put aside this week’s planned sermon/discussion and had a time of community sharing.  We centered it around James 5.  Are any of you happy?  Sing songs of praise!  And so we celebrated and prayed blessings on Andrew & Rachel, newlyweds in the church who have been part of Little Flowers since before we officially started.  It was good to commit to them as a couple to stand with them as a community, even in the face of many challenges.

Are any of you sick?  Lay hands and prayer for them.  The evening became a little more somber as Delia (who with her husband have been a huge support to Kim & I as leaders) shared that she had been diagnosed with the early stages of cancer.  While the prognosis is very good, it is nonetheless scary for them and all of us.  Delia shared this with the group:

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For the past several months—more specifically weeks, I’ve been walking under a somewhat overcast sky. Not that there hasn’t been bright sunshine. Sometimes conditions have been so beautiful I could almost convince myself there were no clouds overhead, ever. But the clouds were never far away.

At this point my main prayer request is that I will be ruled by God’s peace and not by fear, and that this thing won’t become too all consuming. There is still a lot of other stuff to attend to and living to enjoy.

________________________

While not nearly as devastating, Kim & I also learned some disappointing news this week: the adoption process is slowing down, making the likely time that we will bring our child home from Ethiopia closer to October 2010.  It was comforting to sit together with John & Delia last night sharing our mutual struggles, encouraging and praying for each other.

Last week also saw the closing of The Dusty Cover.  For those who missed the Winnipeg Free Press story, it was online in Fredericton (no idea), found here.  While we are sad to see it close, we also know it will be reborn into something new in the year to come.

As a community we continue to share life together, both the joys and the suffering.  I love our community, even though there are times of heaviness and frustration.  Keep us in your prayers!

Warner Bros. new horror movie “Orphan” proclaims that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. Let me tell you about how an orphan changed my life. I have not met them yet, but already they are changing who I am.  My wife and I have not been able to conceive a child and Canadian laws make adopting within Canada a very long and difficult process.  And so we decided to adopt a child from Ethiopia, a process we are currently in the middle of.  In all likelihood our child is alive in Ethiopia as I type, waiting to be matched with our family and come home.

The joy of that coming event- the addition of a child to our family- has been the seed of hope and joy in hearts that faced sadness and despair.  Further, as we have moved forward in the process we have met dozens of adopted child and their families.  What we have seen are happy, healthy and vibrant families whose love for each other is marked by an especially bright light.  Adoption has opened the eyes, hearts and minds of these families to a world so much larger than our own, teaching them to love in ways they could not have imagined before.

Several of my friends are adopted.  One has served worldwide as a passionate missionary and gifted musician who has brought life into so many peoples world.  When I asked her family what it was like to adopt her, their faces immediately lit up like the parents of new-borns, this decades after they had brought her home.  And then there is my adopted friend who is a police officer, who has selflessly served people for years, putting his life on the line for their safety.  He is also the father of some amazing kids.  I could go on and on.

Countless orphans around the world suffer so much that is out of their control, often made worse by the shallow stigma that surrounds being an orphan.  Rather than feed into that ridiculous myth, get online on your blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc. and share a story about how an orphan and/or adoption has been a positive thing in your life.

This was part of the “Defend the Cause of the Orphan” challenge put out my Tom Davis.  We still need more people to get involved, so check it out and do your part!

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Every week a plan on sharing links that I loved and every week I forget to post them.  So, this is me FINALLY trying to do some enjoyable weekend linkage for you all.  Have a good weekend:

-Pre-orders are now available for “Introverts In The Church: Finding Our Place In An Extroverted Culture” by Adam McHugh, a book I am VERY keen on reading/reviewing.  This is an increasingly critical challenge for me and many of my core leadership at YWAM/Little Flowers Community.  I will be interviewing the author here sometime soon, so stay tuned!

-More people have been asking me about my formation as a third order Franciscan.  I am nearing profession with The Company of Jesus, an ecumenical order in the Anglican rite.  While there is a Benedictine charism in the order, I am professing under the Franciscan tradition.  They are also on Facebook here, so check them out.

-We have been appalled by the promotion of the upcoming film “Orphan” in it’s damaging portrayal of orphans/adoption, a subculture already fraught with stigma.  Further, as Tom Davis explains, it ignores the true horrors that orphans face daily.  Get involved in the “fields of the fatherless”.

-John Michael Talbot, musician, monk and man of God, is diving in online.  He’s VERY interactive with people in most mediums, a rare thing for someone in his position.  In addition to his website, he’s on Facebook here and Twitter here.

-Kevin Spacey is one of my favorite actors, so when I heard he is on Twitter, I was thrilled.  He discusses Tweeting with David Letterman in the video below:

Let me reiterate what I have said a lot over the last few days.  We applaud CBC’s desire to expose the challenges of international adoption, even seeking to expose the corruption in some cases.  As an adoptive parent and someone involved with international relief work, I want nothing more than for international adoption to be done only when necessary and beneficial, always keeping the child’s best interest in mind.  Again, we applaud CBC for this good intention.

What we cannot accept is the unprofessional and sensationalist approach that was taken in both of these stories.  The National story specifically deals with the Canadian agency Canadian Advocates For Adopting Children (CAFAC) and their Ethiopian program.  Not only are we adopting from Ethiopia ourselves, but we are doing so through CAFAC.  I say this to demonstrate that what I share is from first hand experience and a great deal of research.

In the report, CAFAC receives a very harsh criticism with misleading editing and unsubstantiated claims.  If you saw the series, here are some FACTS you need to keep in mind:

• CAFAC has processed nearly 500 international adoptions, almost 300 in Ethiopia and has a successful track record with nearly all of our clients (we are aware of only 2 formal complaints).  It should also be noted that CAFAC cannot even respond publicly to the specifics of those cases, as they legal are bound to protect the children and families.  So while the families can go to the press, they know CAFAC cannot share the whole truth.  As an insider to the process, the story they tell in the documentary is creatively incomplete.  In fact, some of details the parents interviewed have made public in the story and online is completely inappropriate.

• CAFAC is licensed, and fully compliant, with all laws and regulations of the Manitoba Ministry of Family Services and Housing and the Ethiopian Ministry of Women’s Affairs, Ministry of Justice and Ministry of Foreign Affairs   The Ethiopian Ministry of Women’s Affairs issued a letter dated March 11, 2009 (attached) that states CAFAC and its foster home are “operating in Ethiopia according to the existing law, rules and regulation of the country
in the area of adoption.”  In other words, they are not being “watched” as a potential threat by Ethiopian gov’t.  ALL agencies are being examined by this group.

• CAFAC does not support spanking or corporal punishment. While it is a generally accepted practice in Ethiopian culture we continue to work towards eliminating it.  The interviews give little clarity on neither the cultural aspect nor the linguistic confusion when questions are being asked.  Diplomacy and respect across cultures is neither easy nor always clear.  CAFAC has proven their commitment to see these issues dealt with.

• CAFAC has a pediatrician visit the foster home every second day and has medical services on-call at all times.  I challenge any Canadian institution to hold to that standard.  Further, all CAFAC client families are not only made aware of the realities of health problems facing all children in Ethiopia, but also that because of differing standards, their definition of “healthy” is not comparable to ours.  This isn’t deception, but context and culture.

• CAFAC does not determine the ages of adoptable children. This is done by the Ethiopian Government through the relinquishment process. While it is rare, it is also not unusual for age discrepancies because of low literacy rates and a lack of vital statistics. Further, Ethiopia follows a different calender to ours, further complicating the issues.

• While referrals are presented by CAFAC, the information provided to families is from the Ethiopian authorities and complete details are not available until the court proceeding finalizing the adoption. Anyone who has worked abroad, especially through Africa, knows that it is different and difficult in respect to these issues.

• When making this documentary, CBC turned down dozens of families and children who wanted to share their overwhelmingly positive experience with CAFAC.  CBC clearly had no intention of genuinely addressing the full set of issues.

What people don’t see in this story is that the CAFAC founders are parents who adopted from Ethiopia themselves, whose children are involved in the adoptive world here and abroad.  For them to “play it loose” is so clearly far from the truth to anyone who knows them that it is ridiculous.  They are caring, hard-working and wonderful people who clearly do what they do because they believe in it.  They are also the most thorough and professional people I have ever worked with.

Again, we take no issue with CBC’s desire to expose questionable adoption programs.  However, this story not only fails to show the issue a fair exploration, they use for their example one of the most exemplary agencies in Canada.  By failing to meet basic levels of objectivity and professionalism, the CBC could potentially do harm to legitimate adoptions, unsettling the delicate relationships forged over time with partner nations.

We ask all of you to take the time to respond to the CBC, sharing your concern over this treatment.  Feel free to quote this document or contact me for more details.  You can contact the CBC via:

http://www.cbc.ca/contact/

You can also register a complaint with the CBC Ombudsman:

http://www.cbc.ca/ombudsman/page/contact.html

Thank you.