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Dying to Self & Mourning the Loss

Monday, September 5th, 2011

Previous Post – What is the Gospel? King Jesus Gospel

One of the most immediate lessons that becoming the parent of a toddler overnight has taught me is this: I am a selfish person.  It’s true.  Suddenly, my life must, by necessity, revolved almost wholly around this adorable, oft-times cranky, fascinating and obstinate little person.  And as a result of 2 hours of sleep at night, coupled with a constant need to keep him occupied during the day, I have had little to no time for many of things that I so deeply love- not just the empty time-wasters like TV or reading escapist fiction.  Rather, the things I am most deeply passionate about- writing, teaching, pastoring, justice and much more.

Granted, this season is particularly demanding and I know I will get back many of those things I have to put aside now.  However, even then, I will never have the same freedom I had before Micah arrived in our lives.  Of course, I love him and wouldn’t trade him for a world of freedom.  The truth is, though, such necessary selflessness and sacrifice doesn’t feel at all as noble as it sounds.  In fact, at times, it downright sucks.  I want what I want.  Yet, no amount of complaining, avoidance or rationalization is going to change the necessity of putting my own desires aside (even the godly ones) to serve the greater need of parenting this fragile, precious young boy.

It is sometimes all too easy for us to quote the noble commitments in Scripture about following Jesus:

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Phil. 1:21

“If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.” Luke 9:23

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

Again, they sound noble and inspiring.  And quite often, we are more than willing to live them out- on our own terms.  Yet the obedience that Christ calls us to is often one of painful self-sacrifice.  We remember that Jesus’ sacrifice included his painful suffering and death- that is critical to the heart of the Gospel, after all!  However, we often forget that His sacrifice also included the life He did not get to live.  Even Jesus- very God Himself!- prayed, “Not my will, but Yours be done”.

In our culture of volunteerism and shallow customer loyalty, it is all too easy for us to miss the gravity of what it means to truly decrease.  Yes, God will give us life in its fullest, but in His way, in His time and on His terms.  Obedience to His will for our lives will be costly.  We won’t like it.  We will balk against it.  Why else does He refer to it as taking up our cross, if not to face a very real death?  And yet, collectively, unspoken, we set the bar lower, easier, cleaner.  With this new definition of faith, we abstractionalize the cross into something other than the brutal reality it is.

This post could easily sound like it was written by a grumpy fundamentalist who won’t validate faith unless it makes you miserable.  That is not my intent.  Rather, in our culture of self-indulgence and quick-fixes, we are too prone to missing the hard truth of discipleship.  It is a path that leads to the cross- pain, loss, suffering and death, every time.  Yet we continue- not out of some self-abusive hope that our suffering balances out our sin, but rather because we know that only in sharing in the death of Christ can we ever hope to truly discover resurrection life.

Parenting is hard, especially in the context of an internationally adopted toddler.  It exposes my selfishness day by day, moment by moment.  Yet, when I see the costs through the lens of the cross and resurrection, I see that I am serving Christ in every loving, patient, long-suffering act of care giving.  And, as I choose to rejoice in that truth, I discover my heart and mind and actions begin to look more and more like the Jesus I serve.

Such a paradox to be reborn, to die to self and yet to mourn…

Tags: Missional, obedience
Posted in Adoption, Discipleship, Gospel, Jesus, Missional | 15 Comments »

Learning the Love of the Father

Sunday, August 21st, 2011

Previous Post – Family Update

Adopting a three year old from Ethiopia is already an amazing adventure.  Yet it is also a journey filled with genuine challenges and difficulties.  Most are like the challenges facing all parents, while a few are unique to adoption, especially when child comes from so different a culture and context.

Being three, Micah has fully developed his Amharic language speaking skills.  The little chatter box is never without something to say.  As wonderful as this is, his inability to understand everything we say to him often leaves him confused, frustrated and even upset.  Combine that with the logic of a toddler and the “fun” begins.  Even given the fact that I better recognize the barriers and a much higher capacity to understand him than he me, my words don’t always make it through his limited abilities to make sense of the world around him.  While using his own language is helpful, even that doesn’t always bridge the gap.

In the end, actions speak louder than words.  Stroking his hair as he cries at night.  Tickling his belly as we play in the backyard.  Even yanking him to safety as he makes a dangerous lunge off the sidewalk.  He doesn’t always appreciate these non-verbals and sometimes he doesn’t always know what they mean.  However, the loving presence of his parents shape- in joy and discipline- the person he is becoming whether he understands it or not.

I think, perhaps, our experience with God is very similar.  Our own logic and understanding are perfectly clear to us, yet in light of the infinite nature of who God is, we are far more simple than any three year old.  God uses language familiar to us, communicating His loving truth in ways we can start to understand and embrace.  And yet, while not devaluing Scripture in the slightest, even the Bible is hugely limited in its ability express the fullness of our infinite Creator.

Again, actions speak louder than words.  The presence of His Spirit- both in our being and through the community of faith- comforting us in the midst of brokenness and suffering.  Celebrating our lives through new life, hope, peace and goodness.  Even pulling us up short by the conscience when we begin to make choices apart from His greater good and perfect will.  We don’t always appreciate these non-verbal queues and sometimes we don’t even recognize them when they happen.  However, the loving presence of our Father God shape- in both joy and discipline- the people we are meant to be, whether we understand it or not.

And so, if this loving, gracious and long-suffering God extends Himself to us, how much more should we extend to those in the world around us?  While not paternalistically (as only God is our Father), we need to both communicate and demonstrate the Good News in ways that are best understood by our neighbours.  With actions speaking louder than words, we must match the proclamation of the Gospel with the embodiment of the love, grace and patience that is our God.

I know that this is difficult.  Tired from sleepless nights and defiant tantrums by my boy, I can become easily cranky, short and impatient.  If I can become this way with my own child, how much more will I be with strangers who God has entrusted me to loving alongside Him?  And so grace and humility and the loving support of a Spirit-filled community is so necessary.

Thank you, Father God.  I pray that I will be a son worthy of bearing the name Christian.

Tags: Missional
Posted in Adoption, Evangelism, Missional | 5 Comments »

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