Previous Post – What is the Gospel? King Jesus Gospel

One of the most immediate lessons that becoming the parent of a toddler overnight has taught me is this: I am a selfish person.  It’s true.  Suddenly, my life must, by necessity, revolved almost wholly around this adorable, oft-times cranky, fascinating and obstinate little person.  And as a result of 2 hours of sleep at night, coupled with a constant need to keep him occupied during the day, I have had little to no time for many of things that I so deeply love- not just the empty time-wasters like TV or reading escapist fiction.  Rather, the things I am most deeply passionate about- writing, teaching, pastoring, justice and much more.

Granted, this season is particularly demanding and I know I will get back many of those things I have to put aside now.  However, even then, I will never have the same freedom I had before Micah arrived in our lives.  Of course, I love him and wouldn’t trade him for a world of freedom.  The truth is, though, such necessary selflessness and sacrifice doesn’t feel at all as noble as it sounds.  In fact, at times, it downright sucks.  I want what I want.  Yet, no amount of complaining, avoidance or rationalization is going to change the necessity of putting my own desires aside (even the godly ones) to serve the greater need of parenting this fragile, precious young boy.

It is sometimes all too easy for us to quote the noble commitments in Scripture about following Jesus:

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Phil. 1:21

“If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.” Luke 9:23

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

Again, they sound noble and inspiring.  And quite often, we are more than willing to live them out- on our own terms.  Yet the obedience that Christ calls us to is often one of painful self-sacrifice.  We remember that Jesus’ sacrifice included his painful suffering and death- that is critical to the heart of the Gospel, after all!  However, we often forget that His sacrifice also included the life He did not get to live.  Even Jesus- very God Himself!- prayed, “Not my will, but Yours be done”.

In our culture of volunteerism and shallow customer loyalty, it is all too easy for us to miss the gravity of what it means to truly decrease.  Yes, God will give us life in its fullest, but in His way, in His time and on His terms.  Obedience to His will for our lives will be costly.  We won’t like it.  We will balk against it.  Why else does He refer to it as taking up our cross, if not to face a very real death?  And yet, collectively, unspoken, we set the bar lower, easier, cleaner.  With this new definition of faith, we abstractionalize the cross into something other than the brutal reality it is.

This post could easily sound like it was written by a grumpy fundamentalist who won’t validate faith unless it makes you miserable.  That is not my intent.  Rather, in our culture of self-indulgence and quick-fixes, we are too prone to missing the hard truth of discipleship.  It is a path that leads to the cross- pain, loss, suffering and death, every time.  Yet we continue- not out of some self-abusive hope that our suffering balances out our sin, but rather because we know that only in sharing in the death of Christ can we ever hope to truly discover resurrection life.

Parenting is hard, especially in the context of an internationally adopted toddler.  It exposes my selfishness day by day, moment by moment.  Yet, when I see the costs through the lens of the cross and resurrection, I see that I am serving Christ in every loving, patient, long-suffering act of care giving.  And, as I choose to rejoice in that truth, I discover my heart and mind and actions begin to look more and more like the Jesus I serve.

Such a paradox to be reborn, to die to self and yet to mourn…